The History of Sex: Berlin -- Morning, Noon and Night -- (Chap. IX, Pt. 4)

Depending on your fancy, you can find different theme parties every night of the week: 'Naked & Underwear Sex Parties,' Turkish/Oriental 'Gayhanes,' Slave Markets and 'Candlelight Fuck,' transvestite shows and queer ballroom dancing and one-off spectacles like 'Gay Night at the Zoo' in Berlin's Tiergarten and the 'German Mr. Leather' Contest held on Easter Sunday.

The tourist info also directs you to the most popular public toilets for cottaging and hotspots for naked sunbathing, as well as a gay B&B service, numerous porn emporia with cruising areas and private cabins, and saunas and massage parlors offering male-to-male 'anal and prostate massage and fisting.'

There's even a Café PositHIV serving up tea and sympathy and a rainbow-flagged stand selling curried-bratwurst outside Berlin's landmark KaDeWe department store.

An anti-Putin rally in Berlin in 2013

In short, Berlin seems to prove the envious theory of many a straight man that when it comes to sex, gay men have it easy: without any women involved to say 'no,' the boys must be at it morning, noon and night.

Or, to quote my bilingual gay guidebook, 'Ficken klappt die ganze Woche'—'Fucking works all week.'

Now, I like to think I'm as gay-friendly as the next guy—my best man was…—but one immediate revelation in the home of homosexuality is just how little I know about the scene.

I had no idea, for instance, of the ubiquity of der Darkroom.

The idea of a purpose-built, darkened room for guy-n-gal orgies has yet to catch on in most straight clubs—no doubt for fear that the authorities would shut them down before they could say 'pass the lube.'

In many gay clubs, though, sex rooms are standard, according to Berlin From Behind (certainly a novel way of taking in a city for me): 'Darkrooms have almost become part of the basic equipment for gay bars in Berlin.'

It's also become clear that I know nothing about darkroom etiquette.

Take the fat cueball in the leather bar with his hand up the other guy's backside.

If one wanted to join in, how would one go about interrupting them?

Would you tap one of the wankers on the shoulder and say, 'Excuse me, would you mind terribly if I stuck my finger up your butt?'

Or is Igor actually employed to go around and offer extra services to customers: 'Tickle your sphincter for a fiver, guv?'