The History of Sex: London -- In the Beginning... -- (Intro, Pt. 1)

'ARE YOU COMING?'

'On Saturday 5th August we will be making history…' the ads proclaim. Could it be a cure for cancer? A new energy source to save the planet? Or maybe another campaign to fight poverty?

After all, this is Great Britain, the land that's given the world everything from parliamentary democracy to penicillin, football, railroads, jet engines, the English language, TV and the framework for the World Wide Web.

When it comes to making history, the British have made more than most.

On this historic occasion, though, the organizers have pitched their ambitions somewhat lower than those of their illustrious ancestors: at groin-level, to be exact.

The his-and-hers posters show two shots of anonymous crotches: a man and a woman wearing Union Jack underwear… and sticking their hands down their pants for Europe's maiden 'Masturbate-a-thon.'

SAY WHUH?

I first heard about the event from Lena the Latin South African, who phoned me while commuting to work. 'JR, have you heard about the Masturbate-a-thon tomorrow?'

'The whuh?'

'A Wank-a-thon! I've just read about it, and I thought of you.'

Ignoring the slur by association, I couldn't fathom the concept of marathon masturbation, let alone the fact that Lena was getting such a kick out of repeating the term in public on a busy train in London.

The Asian guy across from her couldn't believe it, either.

An office type in thick glasses, he started fingering his freesheet like crazy to find out more. Eventually, Lena leaned over and showed him the bottom of page 12.

So the Anglo-Indian man read it, shook his head and said to the Latin South African:

'It's not Britain anymore, is it?'

©J.R. Daeschner

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