But many of his other observations are far more controversial.
'I come from the Land of Ugly Women,' he announces. 'It's all plastic.'
Apparently his American clients are the second easiest to please—surpassed only by the British.
'British girls are brutish. They're the ugliest I've ever seen. I was expecting Mary Poppins, and they come over and shout'—he affects an accent that would make Dick Van Dyke cringe—'"Where's the pub?!?" With my English clients, it's like they've been eating out of a garbage can their whole lives, and suddenly they're being treated to a gourmet meal.'
|Not just a modern phenomenon:|
Mug shots of an Edwardian ladette,
complete with tattoos (True Love K.B. on her back left arm)
and a drink problem
(The Daily Mail)
John keeps going on about how gorgeous Czech strippers are, but I keep doing double-takes to make sure they aren't transvestites. Something about the way they sculpt their make-up makes them look oddly hard and masculine.
Call me paranoid, but any woman who needs to dye and paint herself that much must be hiding something.
The fact that most of the strippers don't remove their G-strings isn't reassuring, either.
However, John swears the girls are 100% woman.
'Czech women get their sense of self-esteem from male attention. If they don't have a boyfriend, they think they're the lowest of the low—they're really nice and feminine like that,' he says blithely.
'They find it very hard to take a compliment. If you tell them they're beautiful and then touch their arms or their backs, they'll actually break out in a sweat.'
Maybe 'cause pervy strangers give them the creeps.
But John fancies himself a connoisseur.
As a redhead with a six-pack cedes the pole to a blonde with a belly, he gabbles appreciatively about the latter's perfectly formed breasts: 'The shape here is very good. B to C cups—those are typically Czech breasts; the larger sizes, D and up, are rarer.'