The History of Sex: Venice and Florence -- Hoop Skirt Havoc -- (Chap. IV, Pt. 16)

In trying to navigate the intricacies of Carnival—which ball to go to? where to rent costumes? how to get to and from a waterbound event?—I'd begun to suspect that the festival was an opportunity for the modern merchants of Venice to practice a custom perfected by their forefathers: gouging foreigners to bankroll their extravagance.

In the run-up to Ash Wednesday, much of the action centers on the same two palazzos that are presumably rented out on a rota each night.

Period costumes are mandatory, and each party is linked to a local costume shop, if not actually thrown by the atelier itself, allowing organizers to rake in cash for the overall event while pretending to offer generous discounts on its components.

VENICE: THE GRAND COURTESAN

Before coming here, I thought it would be a neat wheeze to track down a modern courtesan to find out how tricks have changed over the years.

Gradually, though, I've come to think that the city itself is a courtesan, selling its charms to the highest bidder.

This would be understandable if some of the money were reinvested in her upkeep.

As it is, crumbling, waterlogged Venice is decadent mainly in the root sense of the word: 'to decay.'

My cracking point came when I realized that one of the main Carnival sites is sponsored by McDonald's, with its logo stamped on every single page.

'I'm lovin' it,' my eye.

With a dozen or more masquerades to choose from, I've opted for a ball with a Casanova theme to boot.

The body of the salmon-colored Palazzo Pisani Moretta on the Grand Canal dates from the Renaissance, but its spirit is from the splendiferous eighteenth century, complete with Baroque frescoes.

Lena looks resplendent in her scarlet hoop skirt, powdered wig and mask.

And I, well, I'm her six-foot-four red-and-gold accessory in a tricorn and tights.

When I'm not struggling with my mask, I'm trying to keep my breeches on (no wonder Casanova had a hard time).

The hoop skirts are causing havoc for some of the ladies, too: Lena saw a woman fall over trying to go to the toilet.

Not a pretty sight.